idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
