Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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