I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
