just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
