I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
