I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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