I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she smelled like a LAN party
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
