I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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