Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
