I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
