I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
