pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
