i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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