I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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