You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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