I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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