i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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