I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
