It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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