Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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