I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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