Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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