I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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