I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
