No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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