Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
