I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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