i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
