He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
