When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
