Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
