I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
