she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
