My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
