Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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