I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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