You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
