all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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