My cat gives me a boner
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My life is pants optional.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
