I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
