Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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