how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
