a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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