He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
