My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
