I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
