Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
