Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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