When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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