I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
