Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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