we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My vagina is officially offended.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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