Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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