I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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