Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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