I'm sorry my penis didn't work
now i know why i became what i already was.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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