No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
