i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
