Kiss
Puke
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
