There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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