I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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