he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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