By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
why is half of my head shaved?
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